As a single mother there are other persons and issues to be considered where matters of the heart are concerned. A single mother may go on dates for various reasons, but one overriding purpose is usually to fill a need for companionship, because everyone needs friendship. Consequently, there are guidelines on dating do’s and don’ts for single moms which aim to provide information for successful relationship outcomes.
It is said that it takes all kinds to make a world. This means that the world is full of different kinds of people. That is no less true about men. There are some undesirables among the male population who should be avoided as dating partners. According to eharmony.com which exposes them at http://singlemoms.eharmony.com/5-types-of-men-to-avoid.html , these less favorable candidates, to name a few, include:
- The immature man:
This man basically lives in a fantasy world of boyhood, where he had little or no responsibility and so was quite carefree. He still idolizes pizza and chases every party in town. This type is also likely to be a seasonal employee due to lack of commitment, which could also feature in the relationship and so does not offer much promise of success.
- The man who looks at every woman:
Some say he is ‘gazing’ as he notices every woman except his date. Although admiration of the opposite sex is healthy, disrespecting his date by ignoring her and commenting on every other woman in sight is not acceptable.
- The mean man:
This type is mean to the point of being cheap. He counts every cent that needs to be spent, and looks for the cheapest places to go on dates, as well as the cheapest foods to buy. As long as there is the slightest suspicion that this date is a miser, the warning should be heeded as this has implications for the future.
But there are good men available who make the dating experience more enjoyable. If the aim of dating is to gain a husband, then men made from husband material should be sought. One website, http://www.holsterss.com/2007/01/7-qualities-of-good-husband.html, suggests some qualities of a good husband. Here are a few:
Attentiveness is demonstrated by a person who is a good listener, and everybody likes to be listened to. Single moms are no different. They like the security of having someone with whom they can converse and be assured of having their undivided attention. Even if they can’t solve them, single moms need to know that their mates will listen to their problems, and this is demonstrated during the dating period.
Someone who is faithful is loyal and committed. A potential husband needs to demonstrate that he is serious about the relationship and so is likely to remain true to his partner. He shows that he is a man of his word by keeping his commitments and promises during the dating period.
A sensitive date is likely to pay close attention to his partner’s feelings and needs, which involves communicating at a high level. This characteristic will be exhibited in his behaviour towards the children, as well, which should be a measuring stick for a single mom.
Do’s and Don’ts
As long as the decision to have companionship is settled, the single mother is advised to fill that need to avoid ending up as a lonely woman and blaming and resenting her children for her state. There are some considerations that are helpful during the process, as suggested by another website http://today.msnbc.msn.com/id/10923505/ns/today-parenting/. For example:
Don’t be in a hurry to introduce the children
The last thing children need is unnecessary pain which can be caused if a man they become attached to goes out of their lives because their mom’s relationship with him has ended. It is best to ensure that there is some degree of permanence to a relationship before the children are brought into the picture.
Control the sexual urges
A single mom should not be too eager to sleep with her date, because that is all some dates want and once they have gotten it they leave, which can be painful for the mother. Instead, the single mother should regard herself as a prize worth waiting for, and so should give the relationship time to develop. If the man is serious he will wait for sex.
Keep the sex life private
If sex is involved in the single mother’s relationship, there should be boundaries and barriers to displays of affection, as these need to be kept totally private. Children need to know that there are appropriate places for and methods of displaying serious affection.
Don’t burden the children
Parents don’t need to talk about everything happening in their relationships with their children, especially if they’re not going too well. Even if they seem mature enough to handle it the children could feel burdened and confused, which could lead to insecurity. Children need to be parented, not befriended, so they should not be treated as confidants.
Be a good example
As the saying goes, children live what they learn and learn what they live, and the rules that apply to children should also apply to parents. For example, abuse of whatever kind should neither be given nor tolerated. Single parents should show their children how to behave in public with their dates, demonstrating respect and accountability.
Everyone needs the company of someone else at some point in their lives, some on a more permanent basis than others. Single mothers are no different where that is concerned, but because of their status, that is, the fact that children are a part of the equation, they have additional issues to be concerned about. For this reason, dating do’s and don’ts for single moms are useful guidelines which can help to expose bad prospects and highlight some better ones so that informed and intelligent choices and behavior can make the dating experience for a single mother a pleasurable one.